When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
