The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
