dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
