How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
