She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
