why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
