When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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