the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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