I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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