I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
