Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
