Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
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