i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
We got so high we made milksteak
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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