How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize