he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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