I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
