I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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