We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
