I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
