My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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