If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
there is glitter all over my balls
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