One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i think i have two assholes
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize