So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
