If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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