We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Bring me that man meat
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
