Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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