Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
