This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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