If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
