Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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