we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
