Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The Olympian is in my bed
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize