If that was your dad, he is hot
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
