Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
false alarm, still single
Randomize
