The best revenge is premature balding
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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