she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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