Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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