Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
