When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just took my morning after pill in the library
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize