chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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