You can't motorboat a personality
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
