to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
