I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
COCAINE IS GR8
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
