I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
