If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
