hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
