Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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