Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
