Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
