grandma shit on top of the toilet
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
