im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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