why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
