M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize