my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
