Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
