mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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