remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
