Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
