I love black thongs
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
