I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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