I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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