Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize