im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize