Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
