Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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