Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
