Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize