I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
