girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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