I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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