I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
