i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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