Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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