These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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