ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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